Sand

I always wonder what people's perception of me is. Am I mean? Rude? Are my jokes too cruel? Do I give bad advice? Do I ever make sense when I speak? Am I approachable?  I'm learning that how I am perceived by one person is not the same as the next person, based on my history with them and based on their own personality. Therefore, wondering how I am perceived by people is pretty pointless, because, what happens if I know how I am perceived? How will I try to change to make sure I am being perceived the way I want to be perceived by everyone? Would that even work out?

I went to the beach the other day and I could not stop looking at the sand. God's precious thoughts towards us outnumber the grains of sand. I can't even think of 100 positive things about me. If I dwelled on the millions of thoughts God has for me, I could never have a low self-esteem. I could never self-doubt. I could never fear. I could never worry. I could never complain! A lot of our issues are based on our thoughts and the battle that goes on in our minds (2 Corinthians 3-5). I don't know about you, but I often think I'm not good enough or that the problems that I'm facing are to much to overcome so it is just better to live with it. That of course, is a lie. No problem is too big for God of course, and I'm definitely more than good enough in His eyes.

I desire to know what God thinks about me. I've tried to be what I thought people wanted but that was hard work, to the point where the other side, the side I tried to hide from people, bursted out at the wrong moments lol. I want to be able to always be aware that God has me no matter what troubles I go through, and not have my emotions rule over my life. I know life ain't perfect perfect. I fall short sometimes, but that doesn't worry God. With the countless good thoughts God has for me, there is absolutely no space for depression, stress, anger, unworthiness, anxiety, and so on to be apart of me. It can't even be a part of me because contrary thoughts equal double-mindedness, which leads to unstable ways (James 1:8).

Strive to constantly meditate on the thoughts God has for you, and watch how your views of yourself begin to shift to how He views you.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

   They cannot be numbered!

I can’t even count them;

   they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up,

   you are still with me!

-Psalm 139: 17-18