I watched a TED talk earlier this year where this woman talked about her multiple failed marriages and how she later learned that what she was actually missing in her life was her ability to love herself. When she said that I thought, "ugh, she one of those people." And by those people, I mean the girls on social media who as soon as they hit 20 they post that quote about your twenties being your selfish years. Ooook. I don't know why I relate loving yourself to being selfish when that is probably not the case, but what this lady was saying surprisingly began to resonate with me.
She talked about how the traditional marriage vows can also apply to yourself as an individual: to have and to hold, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.
I started thinking, "do I really love myself?" I have a basic like for myself I know that, but whether or not I have that unconditional love is in question.
The other day I failed an exam. I cried in the school bathroom. Rather than affirming and encouraging myself, I spent the rest of the day thinking about all the other times I've failed an exam that I thought I'd do well on. And I did not want to encourage myself either, I thought it felt better to be sad, so I kept thinking about other sad things.
When good things happen to me, I am definitely loving myself. When other people acknowledge my work or compliment me, I am also loving myself. But when I going through those not-so-smooth days and theres no one to hype me up, the love disappears.
Waiting for good things to happen or goals to be reached before you fully love yourself is very toxic thinking and attitude. You soon realize that those goals will just get replaced with more goals (I talk about goals a lot) and more conditions will get placed on your ability to love yourself.
It is impossible to unconditionally love others (love as God loves) if you don't unconditionally love yourself.
Unconditionally loving yourself means to truly enjoy aspects about you that make up who you are. And the way to do that, I strongly believe, is to go directly to the source of love.
Since the beginning of time God emphasized the unconditional love He has for humans. The world has diluted it, undermined it, tried to destroy it, but His love and intentions remain the same. Our understanding of God's love can be found in the bible from Genesis to Revelations and in our own lives as we continue to grow in our relationship with Him.
Love is a learning process. You don't love strangers the same way you love your mom or partner, that took spending time with them and getting to know them more. Same thing applies with yourself. Here a few helpful practical important steps to get there with yourself.
Practice affirming yourself. This has helped me really understand the power of words and experience transformation in my life. Talk to yourself throughout the day, recalling scriptures about God's love for you and mediate on that. Speak life and congratulate yourself for the small and big wins. Stare at yourself in the mirror while you get ready for the day and declare great things over your life, like "I am intelligent," "I am strong," "I attract positivity all around me." Wendy Buckland and her husband have great declarations to help you get started here and here.
“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29).
Laugh at the lies you once believed. My brother taught me this. According to Psalm 2:4, God sits in the heavens and laughs at the enemies plans. Sometimes we believe a lie for such a long time that we don't even realize how much it controls and affects us and becomes truth to us. But they are lies and will always be lies. A practical way of combating these lies is to ask God what are some things you believe about yourself or anything else that are not true. Once you receive them, say the lie out loud, and give a hearty laugh as if you just heard the funniest joke. Disassociate yourself from that lie and refuse to partner with it anytime you feel yourself going back to them. Holy Spirit helps us to discern good from evil and guides us to walk in truth.
Separate yourself from your failures and successes. Whether you do bad on an exam or become first in your class, it is important to not attach yourself to either your success or failures. Your true identity does not lie in what you do and how good do it, but who you are and whose you are. So whether I do something worth being proud or do something disappointing, who I am remains the same; loving, kind, patient, peaceful, and so on. Let your identity flow into what you do, not the other way around.
But as many as received him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. (John 1:12-13)
Then there are the basics: drink more water, eat good healthy food, mind your business, go find out what you enjoy doing and start doing it more. Invest in yourself spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Do not sit around waiting for that person to hit you up. Don't stalk people's social media wishing you were them. Find joy within yourself, God, and watch as the love you have for yourself manifest.
She talked about how the traditional marriage vows can also apply to yourself as an individual: to have and to hold, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.
I started thinking, "do I really love myself?" I have a basic like for myself I know that, but whether or not I have that unconditional love is in question.
The other day I failed an exam. I cried in the school bathroom. Rather than affirming and encouraging myself, I spent the rest of the day thinking about all the other times I've failed an exam that I thought I'd do well on. And I did not want to encourage myself either, I thought it felt better to be sad, so I kept thinking about other sad things.
When good things happen to me, I am definitely loving myself. When other people acknowledge my work or compliment me, I am also loving myself. But when I going through those not-so-smooth days and theres no one to hype me up, the love disappears.
Waiting for good things to happen or goals to be reached before you fully love yourself is very toxic thinking and attitude. You soon realize that those goals will just get replaced with more goals (I talk about goals a lot) and more conditions will get placed on your ability to love yourself.
It is impossible to unconditionally love others (love as God loves) if you don't unconditionally love yourself.
Unconditionally loving yourself means to truly enjoy aspects about you that make up who you are. And the way to do that, I strongly believe, is to go directly to the source of love.
Since the beginning of time God emphasized the unconditional love He has for humans. The world has diluted it, undermined it, tried to destroy it, but His love and intentions remain the same. Our understanding of God's love can be found in the bible from Genesis to Revelations and in our own lives as we continue to grow in our relationship with Him.
Love is a learning process. You don't love strangers the same way you love your mom or partner, that took spending time with them and getting to know them more. Same thing applies with yourself. Here a few helpful practical important steps to get there with yourself.
Practice affirming yourself. This has helped me really understand the power of words and experience transformation in my life. Talk to yourself throughout the day, recalling scriptures about God's love for you and mediate on that. Speak life and congratulate yourself for the small and big wins. Stare at yourself in the mirror while you get ready for the day and declare great things over your life, like "I am intelligent," "I am strong," "I attract positivity all around me." Wendy Buckland and her husband have great declarations to help you get started here and here.
“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29).
Laugh at the lies you once believed. My brother taught me this. According to Psalm 2:4, God sits in the heavens and laughs at the enemies plans. Sometimes we believe a lie for such a long time that we don't even realize how much it controls and affects us and becomes truth to us. But they are lies and will always be lies. A practical way of combating these lies is to ask God what are some things you believe about yourself or anything else that are not true. Once you receive them, say the lie out loud, and give a hearty laugh as if you just heard the funniest joke. Disassociate yourself from that lie and refuse to partner with it anytime you feel yourself going back to them. Holy Spirit helps us to discern good from evil and guides us to walk in truth.
"However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come." (John 16:13)
But as many as received him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. (John 1:12-13)
Then there are the basics: drink more water, eat good healthy food, mind your business, go find out what you enjoy doing and start doing it more. Invest in yourself spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Do not sit around waiting for that person to hit you up. Don't stalk people's social media wishing you were them. Find joy within yourself, God, and watch as the love you have for yourself manifest.
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