Fall-ing Back In Love

It's been 10 weeks since Fall semester started. I've been counting down the weeks until Christmas break since then. This has definitely been the hardest semester of my college career and I hope to never have a semester this hard again. I feel defeated most days and other days I am just grateful that I made it 'til the end (of the day). 

 This semester has been full of transitions and I am still trying to adjust to them. I want to be thankful for this gruesome process because I know that it is possible to make it through and gain a good lesson out of it. 

It is true. My school is harder than it needs to be. My majors are based on what I am passionate about, yet I've somehow lost the desire, almost hated it. My mind is so focused on getting work done to the point where I don't even care if I'm doing it in excellence, as long as it is getting done. I feel like I have no other choice but to neglect the things I enjoy doing because I just don't have the time or desire to do them.

 Losing your passion and drive for something that makes you want to get up every morning and be great is such a dangerous thing because you don't have much to look forward to anymore. I've learned that if there is something you care about you have to work to keep that desiree going. Whether it is a relationship, hobby, or goal, they all need to be cultivated. Outside and unnecessary factors often come in the way and it gets too much of our attention. It even starts to look bigger than what it actually is, making you lose hope that you'll ever get out of this season.

When I realized that I lost my passion, I got so scared. I started to wonder what my purpose was now that I don't desire the very things that I was once so driven about. I legit believed that it was the end and that I needed to find something new to do. I didn't know that I had to fight for my passion. So that is what I have to do, no matter how hard and exhausting and painful the journey is, it will be so rewarding as well.

My family and friends have helped me so much throughout the semester. My ability and choice to be vulnerable with them has allowed anxiety and past mistakes fall off my life in order to embrace the tough seasons I encounter. My relationship with God has been rocky but He continues to stay faithful. Journaling has helped in ways that I couldn't have imagined. I'm either writing to myself or writing to God. 

I am sooooo ready for this semester to be over, but I do not regret the multiple lessons I am learning throughout this process. I am excited to be able to look back and thank the Lord I've made it once this is all over!

I love you Fall. Winter soon come.