This semester was honestly a "what the?" semester. I know I said before that I just want to pass my classes with dignity, but sheesh, I did not expect this type of outcome. I can list a whole bunch of reasons why I had such a complicated semester but I don't want to. But simply put; Priorities. My priorities were all out of whack this semester, and soon everything starting going out of order and not going my way. Balance was an issue too; bank account balance, health balance, work, school, social life. Everything was just off.
I know that if I say, "next semester will be better. I will start strong and end strong" rather than doing what I did this semester, I will still fall short of my expectations in some way. I cannot say that I've tried my absolute best but I can say that I do try. Waves of fear and loss of determination crush me often and I find myself either becoming idle or moving with no direction. I look back at the semester and try to reflect on all the things I could've done to change my current outcome, but at this point...why?
Semesters do not need to be 15 weeks. Do not let me go on about this flawed education system and the way they make it seem like our GPA is apart of our identity. We all work very hard and continuously put the effort in so its not always us that is the issue. We can give ourselves a decent amount of credit for that.
Some takeaways I've gotten from this semester is to never forget your goals. If you have to write them done every day every where in every color until you can recite every single goal you've made, do it. Speaking things into existence is important, but it doesn't do much if you don't take action. Don't start off with the intent that you will fail, stay optimistic. Be active. Be a person of your word.
More importantly, don't go looking for the strength on your own, in yourself. Constant, renewed strength comes from God. Having a relationship with Him is literally what has kept me sane. His grace is so sufficient, He got me through this semester, but I know I could do sooo much better if I continue to look to Him as my source. I could mention how many times I depended on my own abilities to get stuff done and failed, but I won't.
My friends are awesome, my roommate is especially awesome. Shout out to her, God made her my suite mate for a reason for sure. She has helped me study for my exams, keep track of my grades, and reminded me of how cool I am. I would've definitely have given up if it was not for her constant push to do better.
Farewell Fall. We've both fought a good fight, and you have showed me my strengths and weaknesses.
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