I have a pathetic prayer life.
I pray and stuff. I have a prayer box where I occasionally put my deep and 'important' prayer requests, but other than that, I don't really...pray. I make a conscious choice to think about God throughout the day, but I don't live a prayerful life. *sigh* I usually hold my conversations with God when I'm at work and they go like:
me: ugh God what is wrong with me why am I like this why can't I just be normal and understood and personal also I'm scared that I'm in the wrong major and I don't have money to pay for school and I need a job after college to pay off my loans so should I switch to another major? I also don't like school ugh pls help.
God: ...
me: *rubs temples* okay let me just write all this down and I'll just figure it out as time goes on.
and it goes on like this every time. Lately my prayers haven't really been getting answered, or maybe they have, I would know if I actually prayed right? I don't think I'm really sure..if I know how to pray or essentially what I want to see out of my prayer life. I actually think I want a deeper relationship with God, to find true meaning in life, and to get a stronger sense of my identity.
Faith without works...really is dead
I do not start off my day with prayer. My morning's are really bad which usually results in the rest of my day being mediocre and completely unprepared for. I really want to be seen as this girl who has it all put together but it definitely has not been working out that way. When I am at my lowest of lows at a certain time of the day, that is when I ask God to "just fix it!" anyway He can so I don't have to deal with anything anymore. I end up either trying to fix everything on my own, or tossing it all to God and never asking for the tools needed to overcome my obstacles.
So while at the program that night, I prayed mostly for steps to get over a lot of issues in my life. I try to be perfect, and I struggle tremendously. I get easily frustrated when things don't go as I've planned and I quit too soon.
I guess the first step is admitting that I really need God in all areas of my life. Then, I got to be intentional, which is already hard within itself, with my prayer life. After, I guess I should go out and do my part, the action stuff. As I'm writing, I still feel very unsure of myself. Lord, help me with my unbelief.
I guess this was more of a transparency post. I am only at step one; admitting my faults. The other two aren't as easy, and I'm sure theres more than three steps to fulfilling this thing. Either way, God is really good, because He's my helper and does not plan on leaving me anytime soon, even if the main thing He wants us to do is the biggest thing I struggle with.
Colossians 4:2
Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving
Hebrew 11:1
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
James1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
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