Photojournalism Assignment #6

Portraits! This week I went around and shot photos of some cool people I know to showcase what they do, plus some family shots of my brother as they reflect on being newlyweds.

Janet Fahnbulleh, 23, is an art teacher at Eisenhower Middle School.

Self-Love Might Just be Important

I watched a TED talk earlier this year where this woman talked about her multiple failed marriages and how she later learned that what she was actually missing in her life was her ability to love herself. When she said that I thought, "ugh, she one of those people." And by those people, I mean the girls on social media who as soon as they hit 20 they post that quote about your twenties being your selfish years. Ooook. I don't know why I relate loving yourself to being selfish when that is probably not the case, but what this lady was saying surprisingly began to resonate with me.

She talked about how the traditional marriage vows can also apply to yourself as an individual: to have and to hold, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.

I started thinking, "do I really love myself?" I have a basic like for myself I know that, but whether or not I have that unconditional love is in question.

The other day I failed an exam. I cried in the school bathroom. Rather than affirming and encouraging myself, I spent the rest of the day thinking about all the other times I've failed an exam that I thought I'd do well on. And I did not want to encourage myself either, I thought it felt better to be sad, so I kept thinking about other sad things.

When good things happen to me, I am definitely loving myself. When other people acknowledge my work or compliment me, I am also loving myself. But when I going through those not-so-smooth days and theres no one to hype me up, the love disappears.

Waiting for good things to happen or goals to be reached before you fully love yourself is very toxic thinking and attitude. You soon realize that those goals will just get replaced with more goals (I talk about goals a lot) and more conditions will get placed on your ability to love yourself.

It is impossible to unconditionally love others (love as God loves) if you don't unconditionally love yourself.

Unconditionally loving yourself means to truly enjoy aspects about you that make up who you are. And the way to do that, I strongly believe, is to go directly to the source of love.

Since the beginning of time God emphasized the unconditional love He has for humans. The world has diluted it, undermined it, tried to destroy it, but His love and intentions remain the same. Our understanding of God's love can be found in the bible from Genesis to Revelations and in our own lives as we continue to grow in our relationship with Him.

Love is a learning process. You don't love strangers the same way you love your mom or partner, that took spending time with them and getting to know them more. Same thing applies with yourself. Here a few helpful practical important steps to get there with yourself.

Practice affirming yourself. This has helped me really understand the power of words and experience transformation in my life. Talk to yourself throughout the day, recalling scriptures about God's love for you and mediate on that. Speak life and congratulate yourself for the small and big wins. Stare at yourself in the mirror while you get ready for the day and declare great things over your life, like "I am intelligent," "I am strong," "I attract positivity all around me." Wendy Buckland and her husband have great declarations to help you get started here and here.

“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29).

Laugh at the lies you once believed. My brother taught me this. According to Psalm 2:4, God sits in the heavens and laughs at the enemies plans. Sometimes we believe a lie for such a long time that we don't even realize how much it controls and affects us and becomes truth to us. But they are lies and will always be lies. A practical way of combating these lies is to ask God what are some things you believe about yourself or anything else that are not true. Once you receive them, say the lie out loud, and give a hearty laugh as if you just heard the funniest joke. Disassociate yourself from that lie and refuse to partner with it anytime you feel yourself going back to them. Holy Spirit helps us to discern good from evil and guides us to walk in truth.

"However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come." (John 16:13)

Separate yourself from your failures and successes. Whether you do bad on an exam or become first in your class, it is important to not attach yourself to either your success or failures. Your true identity does not lie in what you do and how good do it, but who you are and whose you are. So whether I do something worth being proud or do something disappointing, who I am remains the same; loving, kind, patient, peaceful, and so on. Let your identity flow into what you do, not the other way around. 

But as many as received him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. (John 1:12-13)

Then there are the basics: drink more water, eat good healthy food, mind your business, go find out what you enjoy doing and start doing it more. Invest in yourself spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Do not sit around waiting for that person to hit you up. Don't stalk people's social media wishing you were them. Find joy within yourself, God, and watch as the love you have for yourself manifest.

Consistency vs Feelings

One thing that I noticed about people (myself included) is that we sometimes lack consistency. Whether it is pursuing our relationship with God and people, honing our skills and perfecting our crafts, going to the gym, the list goes on. One moment I see a blogger (or vlogger) producing content on a scheduled basis for about a month or so, then they disappear for a while to rebrand (for the fifth time), or for another reason. Or someone is pursuing God with all their energy for a couple of months, and the next moment they've disappeared from fellowship. Or someone who started a service business and as soon as business is booming, they've gotten lazy busy and also disappeared. And I realized that one of the reasons (possibly) is because we do things based off of our emotions.

My feelings tend to fluctuate based on my circumstances, who I'm around, whether or not I've eaten, the weather, if my hair is done, school, this list also goes on. If I'm not in the right mood, I feel like I can't do my homework (am I ever in the right mood for homework), or stay up to date with my blog and stuff. I don't think that's a good thing. Letting our emotions dictate our actions is not the best thing to do.

To be constant means the quality of being faithful, dependable, enduring, and unchanging. It shouldn't have anything to do with how we feel. A big problem is when we let our emotions lead the way we live our lives. Our mood naturally changes, so we won't always feel like doing anything. Who gets up every morning and feels like going to work or school? That check and GPA is what really gets us. There needs to be something greater that gives us the consistency to keep going.

I'm not sure what that something is. Maybe it's choice, maybe desire, maybe our heart's preference (that constantly needs renewing). We can't wait for the right moment or mood to get things done. We shouldn't start on something and not finish it.

This is completely different from toiling. You will know when you are toiling, or when you should stop doing something and take another route. This is about letting your feelings get in the way of accomplishing your goals and projects and relationships and everything else in life.

I believe that God's constant love for us, not out of simple obligation or choice, is a model to us to not move based off of emotion. Lucky for us, God is always in the mood to love us, forgive us, and be a Father to us because of the will Jesus fulfilled for all humanity, not because He's in a good mood today.

Now I understand that not everyone has the same situation. Whatever the case may be, when you want something, pursue it wholeheartedly without allowing your emotions to get in the way. Find what works best for you in order to stay consistent in accomplishing your goals and passions.

I don't have the answers clearly, but I want to encourage you and I to value consistency in all that we endeavor to do.

"Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men" Proverbs 22:29

Photojournalism Assignment #3

This weekend I drove up to Howard County to take photos of Centennial High School's Girl Up club fundraising event. The event was a leadership summit hosted by Howard County Girl Up where students from all across the county got to hear from female leaders in the community as well other Girl Up leaders.

Claire Pratt, senior International Relations major at Georgetown University and Girl Up leader talks to high school students about what it means to be a feminist.

"We cannot all succeed when half of us are held back"- Malala Yousafzai, one of the attendees shirt reads as the panelists discuss what it means to support feminism and equal rights.

Charissa Zhu, Centennial High School junior, prepares to take a photo with one of the fundraising event attendees at the Photo Booth. 

Centennial High School Girl Up club board members try on props for their group picture. Courtney Tse sports one of the props. 

Emily, a board member for Centennial High School's Girl Up club, takes the group photo of the attendees. Boys and girls were in attendance for the fundraising event.

The attendees split up for the break out sessions to learn more about fundraising, starting a Girl Up club, and more. Here one of the attendees shares what ideas her group came up to help start their own Girl Up Club.

Claire Pratt shares some ideas with her group on different ways to get their Girl Up group up and running in their schools.

Allison shows Jisoo Cho and Gesna Aggarwal the photo that she just took of the board members.

Amy Guo joins to view the group photo they took.

We Back, to School

This winter break has hands-down been the most relaxing break I've ever had while in college and I am sad to say the least that it is over. I've been in such a peaceful and relaxing space without the cloud of school responsibilities hovering over my head. It's only been one week since school started and I already feel like I am trying to catch up while still transitioning back into grind mode.

Happy Holidays

I love winter holidays. The colors, the lights, and all the food is so perfect during this time of year. The end of the year is the best time to rest and spend with loved ones as well as look back on everything that has happened over the past months. It's a time to reflect on the good, the bad and the blessings.

It Takes 21 Days...

According to Dr. Caroline Leaf, a really cool neurologist, it takes at least 21 days to break out of a habit and another 21 days to build new habits.

I have some terrible habits. I consistently tell myself that I will do one thing but then I actually don't do it and instead end up falling into a terrible routine I've built for myself. This includes waking up, arriving to class or work on time, starting an assignment earlier, staying positive and so on.

The word habit is defined as, "a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up." Sometimes we don't even realize the habits we've managed to create over time and I believe it comes from the way we think and where our confidence lies. For example, we know our bodies and how much sleep we need to function properly, yet we continue to sleep late because we've gotten used to a certain bedtime routine and used to waking up still tired. Or, we fool ourselves into believing that we work best under pressure so we think getting major assignments done closer to the due date is actually beneficial, but overtime we are burdened with the tasks and get overwhelmed with anxiety and stress. When we realize that its time to change our habits, we find it easier to create new bad habits than good habits.

Dr. Leaf said that we are more controlled by our subconscious than our conscious. It's harder to follow through with our intentional decisions because as man thinks in his heart so is he Prov 23:7. Our reactions and habits are built based on our subconscious thoughts, since we are not thinking consciously 24/7. So in order to build new habits, you need to change what your unconscious thoughts are through repetition and intentionally focusing on the thought you would like to wire into your brain. I know it sounds weird when your read it, but I believe it works and I will be the proof of that in 21 days.

I'm pretty sure we all have some habits we'd like to break. Creating new habits is not like a New Years' resolution where you magically reset on January 1st as a whole new person. It takes time, about 21 days actually. 21 straight days without breaking. It also takes diligence and dedication. It may seem hard, it probably is hard, or maybe not depending on the type of person you are and your level of determination.

I'm pretty determined to work on my habits and remove my toxic thinking patterns. Writing this blog post will keep me accountable of that so I can't just not do it, you know?

But yeah, this article does a really good job of breaking down what Dr. Caroline Leaf's book on removing and building new habits is about.